Ouch!

Dunno really what I did to my back yesterday.... By the time I went to bed it felt as if my spine had been replaced with a metal rod. Didn't do anything out of.the ordanary.
General clean up, walked the dog, and hung out celebrating. Celebrating 12 years with honey and celebrating friends 28th birthday. Like I said nothing out of normal routine.
Woke up today to the metal rod still there. Can barely bend my neck and forget twisting or bending my back. Going to be a long day. Supposed to go on a day trip with my friend and the kiddos, we will have to see after meds kick in. At least the throbbing has stopped.

Living within our means...

Okay sorry been a couple weeks.... Major things going on. husband totalled the truck. He and our friend are okay! But dealing with insurance claims sudden constraints of one vehicle left us both trying to find up. 

One thing we all know living with any chronic illness is stress and lack of sleep make it 100% worse. Now that things are settling down and I can feel and think again.
Ready to celebrate 12 years. And toast to another 12 (or longer)..
Time to focus in on controlling weight gain and stress eating! Going to restart morning work outs. That means getting my butt out of bed at 6am... Have to get it in before the three kids take over the day...
Sure do hope that getting back in that groove my hands, hips and ankles loosen up again... May have to use this blog to hold myself accountable..... We will see...
I know this one is all over the place but so much has happened and my brain is still quite scrambled!
See ya soon!

A new year a new me.

Happy New Year! It has been a couple of months... Feels like a lifetime since I last posted.
Updates are as follows:

1: I have decided NOT to go back to my paying, time clock punching job.
2: I have also gotten off Cymbalta. Few reasons... One felt way to fakely perma happy on it. Two monthly cost without insurance is $385. Ummmm staying home means less income flow. Three it was causing many unwanted side effects.
3: Chopped off all the dead fried over processed hair. Went back to my short easy to manage natural hair style.
4: Living with both Fibro. and A.S. Is more than I bargained for. Some days cannot take a deap breath because ribs and mid spine are painful. My ankles are locking if I sit or sleep wrong... My hands well they have good days and bad. Bending at my back is quite comical... Friends have seen me almost fall flat on my face because things don't straighten as I stand up... And you know having others laugh with me makes the difference.
I have choosen to accept and live within my physical, emotional, and financial means.... 2012 is shaping up to be a good year...
PS Hubby and I celebrate 12 years of marriage in less than two weeks and we look forward to many more!

I'm Back

Sorry it has been a while since I did any updates. Miss negative has been hanging around lately. Finally starting to feel a little  more upbeat. My last update was applying for assistance. Well long story short.. So far we do not qualify. Now I am focusing on getting the house clean, so that if I do end up going back to work then at least the daily will be just pick up. Then deep clean once a week and detail once a month. However, I have a feeling that I will not be going back to work, by my own accord. I have enjoyed being home with the family and being a MOMMY!!!! and WIFE!!!!!
The last three months have shown me that dividing yourself into thirds does not work.
1/3 Home: means cooking, cleaning, raising three kids, getting the oldest to karate, being a friend, allowing my kiddos to have friends and social lives, and most importantly BEING A WIFE!
1/3 Work: means working scheduled shifts on my feet 6-8 hours at a time (after already devoting the other 1/3 to home), lifting items that weigh 50  pounds (sometimes more) for people that expect  to be treated as if they are the first person I have seen all day, smiling through the pain and stiffness because there is the possibility that I could get written up for not smiling, and doing much more then my body wants so that others do not feel that they have to pull my weight as well as their own.
And last but not least, 1/3 to PAIN..... that third tends to take over after a day that can last 20 hours.
In the end I have become one with this condition. My day at home with the kids and doggy and hubby and friends, has been adjusted so that the pain and stiffness is just part of daily life.

How to cope when....

How do you deal with money, health insurance when you are the one with the desease, and the carrier of health insurance. Well, not very easy I can say. First, anger: the condition has already taken so much away. Time with the family, patience,self worth, and so much more. Now it has taken all financial reserves. To top all off lose health insurance. Second fight: fight with spouse without them even understanding why you feel like a failure...hence making them feel the same way. They have failed you in some way. Third cry: finally let it out. Fourth: reality hits and now you know that you cannot go back to the job/career that you had, and you need assistance. Three kids a dibiltating condition and you have already put the time and money into system that is supposed to be there for this situation. Fifth: humble yourself and find out what assistance you qualify for. Wish me luck. Tomorrow I apply for food and health care assistance.
The only good thing that has come of this desease is: I AM NO LONGER DEVIDING MY TIME AND ENERGY BETWEEN A JOB AND MY FAMILY!!!!!

Just thinking

On my own I stopped meloxicam and folic acid, per doc stopped oral methotrexate. Still on Cymbalta (anti-deppresant) and Prednisone (steroid for inflamation) daily multi-vitamin and just added Tumeric to help detox and protect kidneys, liver and stomach.  Started to look into more natural pain relief. It has been a full week off these drugs and I have noticed: my IBS is calming down, my stomach is my friend again AND my hands AND my feet are not so painful! Okat so my back is still stiff, it hurts to stand for more then half hour, but without the other side effects I feel better. Really starting to lose faith in "MODERN" medicine.... I really do not understand the theory of make me feel worse (with nasty side effects) to HOPE to slow down this condition. There has to be another way to balance the immune system.

Finding others like me.

Between the AS websites, You Tube and now Twitter, I have been looking for others that live and cope with the stress of AS AND FM.... So far the count is 1. Most people I have come across are male ages 19-56. They only have AS. And I use ONLY loosely. I have finally found one other female with both. And that amazes me.... Other women (I think maybe 4 in total) with AS most in late 50s. One site says that AS in women goes undiagnosed until the fusing begins. Otherwise they are diagnosed with RA or Ostioarthritis. Or just given muscle relaxers or other types of anti-anxiety meds. However, when talking with my OB, he stated women need to be studied, because pregnancy plays a big role. Also, he has looked into it, now that we know why I always hurt, and found a conection to hormones and flares. I am now keeping a jpurnal for two weeks at a time to see if the flares get worse with pms or the actual cycle. So far pms and the first day!